What to do in case of a zombie attack

We've all seen movies about it with zombies that think (Night of the Livivng Dead), zombies that run (28 weeks later), zombies that do the gardening and walk the dogs (Fido) and quite normal zombies (Shaun of the Dead). But.. the thing is, if you want ,like, proper information on how to survive a real zombie assault on your neighbourhood ( you scoff at me now, but you just wait) theres no proper guide. So, I have decided to compile a guide from many sources to aid you should you find your neighbourhood/town/country/etc overrun by zombies.

Be Prepared
I have sifted through some material from the Federal Zombie Agency (don't ask) and i've found the so called "The 5 pillars of zombie fighting". It makes sense, so here goes..

1.Never underestimate the zombie
Zombies are not mindless hunters. They are swifter and craftier than one might expect. A lone zombie can burst out of hiding and take a chunk out of you in the blink of an eye.

2.Never engage a zombie if you can avoid it
Though zombies are surprisingly quick in confined spaces, they are not swift runners. Engage the zombie only when you are trapped, and escape is not an option.

3.Focus on the task; keep fear out of your head
No one, no matter what their powers of description, can fully prepare you for your first encounter with a zombie. Their grotesque appearance and smell, along with the inhuman noises they emit, can induce a level of fear and terror that precludes rational response and causes one to freeze. You must not react to the zombie's appearance. Focus instead on delivering a combination of offensive and defensive strikes that will buy you enough time to escape.

4.Do not allow the zombie to get a grip on you
Once a zombie wraps you in its powerful grip, your prospects for survival are minimal. Therefore, your first priority must be deflecting away the zombie's hands.

5.Seek medical attention after any encounter*
Always have trained medical personnel examine you as soon as possible after any encounter, even if no wounds are visible. The zombie virus can enter your body through the smallest opening in your skin, be it a scraped knuckle or a nicked elbow.

* a little note on number 5, in my opinion if you've got a cut, find a way to blow your brains out or sever your head 'cos you KNOW there 'aint no cure for that.

Weapons
So you might think great for all those ppl in the movies they're Americans and they have guns, we might not even have baseball bats! But remember, improvise!

1.You can use a badminton racquet(is that how u spell it?): I know someone who can swear that being hit by a shuttlecock gave him a concussion.*

*In times of panic and crisis i doubt you'll be able to aim and smash properly so just use the damn racquet. Other sports equipment such as hockey sticks, tennis racquets and etc. can be used. However, i don't suggest using ping-pong bats or anyhthing of the like that are only good for short range attacks.

2. Long cutting implements
We're asians! I'm sure you'd have a parang somewhere, so use it and send those heads flying.If you don't..well...tough luck...

3. Religious stuff*
* Now there has been No proof that zombies are atheists or anyhting so i don't know if this would work. But hey, if yellow talismans work on jiang shis, why not zombies? (Your funeral not mine)

General Survival
1.If your house is overrun and you have to leave the neighbourhood, travel in packs. Get all the surviviors and aim for a safe haven that you or anyone knows and you have to be sure that is not overrun by zombies* and try to contact the authorities. ( Thank god we're in Msia, the govt will call out the water canons and the federal police and everything)

*Contrary to what the movies might tell you, a shopping mall is NOT that good an idea. Sure there are supplies but there are too many exits to guard and too many opportunities to be jumped by a zombie. Try running to your nearest town hall or neighbourhood association which is small enough to guard.

2. Another thing to remeber when travelling in packs is..
a) Put the slow people behind you
b)Always have a weapon at hand amd keep your eyes peeled
c) If anyone is bitten, bash their head in (Believe me, its better this way than seeing them later)

Last but not least

If you're not the leading actor/actress, theres not really much chance of you surviving,so, why bother? :P

I hope you found this very informative, and may you have a long life.

Cool videos to watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnNIs4YKtZM and watch the other parts as well.
Enjoy!

Supers!

All those powers and not one decent piece of clothing in sight ! :p

I'm milldly dissappointed with the fact that I wont be able to catch many upcoming superhero movies in Malaysia seeing as I'll be leaving for the UK in December. At least I managed to catch Superman, Spiderman, Batman,Iron Man, X-men,Ghostrider, and the lousier Hulk movie. (why,oh why are they all men?)

Gotta love that bike!

There's of course catwoman with the oh-so-hot Halle Berry but it sucked a little. Other heroines like Ultraviolet (Milla Jovovich) and Elektra (Jennifer Garner) sucked more because the story overplayed their so-called maternal instincts and the ability to fight on needle point heels (puh-leese) and not get veiny legs as can be seen in Aeon Flux(charlize Theron). I mean theres nothing wrong with being feminine i guess but not every female superhero has her biological clock ticking, right? Right. Though I do love the gadgets in futuristic Ultraviolet with hair colour that changes with your mood and weapons you can pull outta nowhere. There's also the remake of the old series, Bionic Woman, of which season 1 finished airing on Star World (but again using the maternal instinct stuff). Can't i get ANY emphasis on being strong and independent here? You don't see Batman being all paternal, right?

With great powers, comes not so great dress sense

There's also the typical take on superheroes with them being conflicted and fighting with inner demons (Batman, Spiderman) but I think Hancock takes it to a new level. I've seen the trailer and i'm itching to watch it (literally,i'm having chikin-pox right now). In Hancock, Will Smith begrudgingly goes aound saving town in hobo attire, beer bottle in hand causing more damage than he does saving.Ahhh, Will Smith, speaking of that, MIB (Men In Black) can't be classified as a superhero movie right? too bad...

Sigh..... <3

But a different breed of superhero movies are set to come out in 2009 and beyond, well...anti-superhero, i think. Not that it hasnt been done before like in The Punisher and Sin City. Theres also Watchmen which actually begins with a murder of a superhero.. its a bit like Disney's The Incredibles ( loved that movie). Theres also the new X-Men movie still in production called X-men Origins:Wolverine. I wonder if they'll do it for Storm, rogue and all. There are other ani-heroes of which i can't remember slated to come out but not really sure.

You'd think superheroes had access to proper clothes...

Then, we have the superhero clusters like Justice League coming soon in 2011 with Superman, Batman, Wonder woman and who knows who else. Also, with the tantalisisng ending of Iron man due to the appearance of Nick Fury suggests a sequel involving the hero cluster called The Avengers .

Cluster 1 : The thundering thighs (The Justice League)

Cluster 2: The Boisterous Biceps ( The Avengers)

So, do I love 'em or hate 'em? Beats me....